Hello people… I know I haven’t been writing. I’ve not write for more than 7 days and I misses it. I’m sure as with any blogger, there are time when we are speechless, wordless and nothing seems to come out right. Maybe also because we weren’t going through the best time of our life to want to share with the world. To be honest, I’ve attempted to write since last week but each time I did, I save them as draft and never did publish them. I reckon it isn’t even worth reading and I do not want to waste my reader’s time.
Yes, I was going through a phase. A phase that even though I did many things in a week and should feel all excited to blog about it. I wasn’t. A phase that even though I’m living a life I have been dreaming of with the love of my life and should feel all excited about, I wasn’t. Each time I want to post a ranting post, I withdraw. I didn’t think it’s worth talking about. But deep inside of me, there are loads of frustration and I sometimes wish I could just spill them all out. But each time, half way through writing a ranting post, I would click on the x at the top right of the Google browser (to be exact) and close my lap top.
But all is good now. I decide I have a choice. I can continue my depression by feeling miserable and whine at the drastic changes I had to deal with everyday or to be happy, take control of my life and change myself to adapt to the environment. I choose the latter. I’m not a loser and I’m not gonna live my life feeling miserable everyday. That’s life isn’t it? We fight everyday with the devil within ourselves. And having to adapt to a lifestyle with such vast difference from where I came from isn’t easy for me. I’m gonna have to fight that and walk out alive. This is an adventure and it does not promise a bed of roses with no thorns. I know I make it sound like hell living in the Netherlands. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t hell, Netherlands is nice, the people are nice but there are just too many changes at one time that I’m struggling to adapt. I shall not bore you with the details.
The biggest hurdle for me being in the lowlands is not being able to speak their language. Yes, everyone speaks English but not everyone is willing to speak English with you! It’s frustrating when I have to repeatedly says, “Sorry, I don’t speak dutch.” but they go on blaring in Dutch and didn’t seems to care. Literally, every party I goes, every phone call I made, every person I meet; even in the grocery store speak Dutch to me, assuming I understand them. No I don’t! Not even barely, I completely don’t understand. In Singapore, we call such situation “the Chicken & Duck Talk”
I hate dealing with situation like this, I feel like a fool. I mean, clearly English is good enough to survive international right? So we thought….
Today, I’ve had the same frustrating experience at the grocery store. I was going to cook for dinner, so naturally, I walked to the grocery store, grab the stuff I needed and waited at the queue to make payment. When I’m nearing the conveyor belt, I started removing the grocery from my basket onto the belt. Out of the blue, this lady from across the other cashier started rambling in Dutch to me of which I could not understand a word. So, politely, I answered, “Sorry, I do not understand you.” She looked at me like I’m stupid and continued to speak in Dutch to me. Next, she push my grocery to the end of the conveyor belt and started putting hers in front of mine. I startled. The cashier did nothing and remain compose. Well, at the end, I figured, the lady is asking for me to allow her to pay first, maybe she is in a hurry but because I didn’t understand her, she decide to (jump queue) do it anyway.
Experience like this doesn’t happen once, I’ve people looking at me like I’m dumb when they realize I don’t speak Dutch. Although I’ve nothing against them, I feel frustrated with myself. I feel handicapped. I feel like an alien. Now I know why the IND call us (migrant) – an alien.
Well, I choose to live in their country, so I’d better start becoming like them and speak their language. Allow me to rant people. I need it….
Before I sign out, there is something that at least cheer me up from the grocery store experience, here is a picture of a very cute ham! 🙂