Losing My Guts

For a while, I’ve been getting really excited while preparing for my move to Holland. I checked on many websites for Dutch culture, tax issues, Dutch language, residence permit requirements etc etc. And finally, just last night i felt lost.

I felt like.. I seem to be losing my guts of taking the plunge to move to Holland. Suddenly, all the beautiful and positive imagination of how life would be to live in a foreign land to be with the one you love diminished.

The only person I really know is Jos. Through him I know many others but those are his friends. Otherwise, I know no one. That thought alone scares me. The thought of living my hometown where my family and friends are scares me. Then along with those thoughts came loads of “what ifs” Then I thought maybe I should think twice.

This morning I woke up still feeling alittle lost but I am not giving up on all that is laid down for me. Not when the road before this was a really rough one. Not when we have been through so much together. I didn’t lose my faith but i just felt scared. Ok maybe I have wavered alittle but isn’t it normal?

Yes… A small girl in a big lowland only with a luggage and putting her full faith in one man. Gutsy much?


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