A lovely windy noon

It’s been a long time since I last felt this happy. I mean like simply happy with nothing behind my head to worry or think about. I wasn’t even thinking about what to make for dinner. Just a couple of hour of throwing everything out of my systems and enjoy that bit of time at the park with my baby boy. 

We had to walk a bit so I’d put BB on his stroller. He had woke from his morning nap, had lunch and finished up his apple juice. So I reckon,he won’t be cranky for the next two hours since he’s totally recharged. 

Once we reached the park, without walking further, I decide to free him from the stroller and allow him to roam. Today, the wind was strong but no dark clouds so it was a perfect day! I felt BB felt how I feel. It almost seems as though we took in a deep breath together enjoying  the breeze. It also seems like he knows the weather was perfect! 

The park was connect to the beach.  BB loves the beach.. He loves digging into the sand and makes little holes. 
 
He had two balls in his hand, and he took really good care of it. Everytime the ball slip away.. He would called out “oh no” and then continue to run after the ball. Even while digging In the sand, he hold the ball tight with one hand and dig with the other.

  

Watching him being happy makes me happy. As parents, we always term ourselves as care taker to our child. But at this stage, I am only glad I have him as my companion all the time. It’s been 16months already… All I need now is to slow down time. 

Oh Hi there! 

Oh my… Was just checking in on my blog entry. Its been such a long time. I miss you, I really have.

Just that Baby Boy takes over my life. And I decided to being an everything to this little human being who means the world to me!  

So here is how I spend my past 13 months.

I had quitted my decently paid job, only to stayed home trying to figure out….

1) why he won’t drink for weeks? He won’t drink! My milk would dry up soon! Paranoid, I would express breast milk and try to spoon feed a 3 mths old! And then Damn it, the pump doesn’t work at all, 2oz after half hour?!?! Yes, I’m drying up for sure. So to Google I turn.. Figure I could do power pumping and I did… every two hours! And still nothing! Told DH I need a hospital grade pump. Got angry with him for not making it happen. 😊

Today, my milk supply did not drop a bit. BB STILL LATCH on like a pro! And Oh by the way, along the way, I threw that Damn pump and stop pumping altogether.

So most days, I’m just happy to take naps with him whenever he naps. Having him suckling on my breast and falling asleep together, that is but pure bliss. 

2) why is he not pooing despite being totally breast fed? To Google I turn, 5 days of not pooping for infant is quite normal. Not convince, called PD office, was told the same but I can poke his back with the thermometer to kick start a poop session! And there the Holy poo came the next day! 

Never felt happier cleaning poo diaper then this one. 😊

3) why he won’t eat solid when he turn 6months? 

BABY BOY has no interest with food. I started from 6 months as recommended. Potatoes, carrots, brocolli,  courgette, parsnip, you name it, I tried them all. Steam, puree, serve, throw. That’s the process of most meals. It’s depressing. he really started semi eating solid when he turn 10 months. Even then was once a day during dinner time. 

Every visit to the PD, I get questioned; have you started him on solid? He’s way under weight. Breast milk is good but he need solid food now. I felt as though I was the one to be blame. I’m  starving my poor child. 

Yes, My baby boy is under-weight. All.the.time. He still is. Always below the 50th percentile. It was nerve wrecking each time he had to visit the PD. 

Look at us today, we survived. of course, BB Still fuss with food but most days he eats 3 meals a day, eats kiwi, Apple, orange. I don’t need to be creative with food because he only likes porridge so far. Tried pasta, Shepherd pie… He won’t take a second bite. 

I do not watch his weight anymore. He doesn’t need to be a chubby baby to be healthy. He’s cool like that; lean, healthy and strong. 

4) why he won’t sleep on his own cot? 

Without a doubt, to Google I turn. I Had to put him on his bed when he’s still awake. Did that, and still he wake up crying. I did the CRY IT OUT METHODE. Thinking I succeeded but there fail big time after going away for a long weekend.

 so Any new mum reading this, my personal opinion, how about just go with the flow and stop stressing? You baby will grow up one day and refuse to sleep with you. The precious first year passed with a blink of the eye. 

And to mum that had “sleep trained” their baby successfully,  good for you but stop bragging. Not all babies are alike. Some are easier with training, some are just not. To each his own. 

Today – BB SLEEPS IN HIS OWN BED WITH HIS FAVOURITE BEAR! It just happen. Some days he’s more difficult and Papa will put him to sleep. Some days he will fall asleep suckling on me and other days he falls asleep on his own. He still cries to sleep with us in the middle of the night and that’s fine for us. We love waking up to his first babble of the day. 

And now.. on to the amazing things he did :

1) first smiled at 7 days old. 

2) Rolled over at 3 months. 

3) stand up at 6 months in his cot.

4) started walking around his cot at 7months. 

4) took his first step at 9.5months. 

5) started toddling at 10 months

6) taking over my mopping duties at 13 months! 😊

My awesome baby! Looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve learned so much more than what I have learn all my life! And by the way, I also started to learn to cook and bake. It’s been a superb year.   

 

One more month to a whole new year, I pray for good health of all my love ones and world peace! 

Till next time! 

Lotsa love, J

Our Simply Perfect Wedding

Yes we are married already for more than a month and i’ve not mentioned a word. Well, my last post specifically said to watch this space for our actual wedding so i don’t wanna not update at all.

That one single day was so perfect, more than i can ever imagine. Like i’ve mentioned, i didn’t know how a barn wedding would be like. Now i can safely say, its better, way cooler, moost romantic  than wedding in 5 stars hotel. It was a hot day, and all i felt was warm and fuzzy.

I didn’t forget every single details of the wedding. I was late. My groom had to hang around the apartment i stayed for abit before he could finally see me.

I had booked an apartment in Villa Augustus (Google villa augustus Dordrecht, its beautiful!) for a night, because the tradition was that the bride should not see the groom the night before their wedding day or it brings bad luck! So i reckon we do what the traditions says..

Anyway, My friend was fixing my hair, my sister was rearranging my face. Both aren’t professionals in doing this, which also explains why it took alittle longer. But the beautiful fact is, they complete their task like a professional! I’ve never thought i can look this pretty but they make it happen!

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That’s my sister and i. Do you also agree i looked like i’ve been professionally rearranged?

Because of the delay, we didn’t have enough time for a long photo taking session, so we make do with a quick round at the Garden of the apartment i stayed in.

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I confirmed my sister and friend did a very good job when i see the look in Jos eyes when he saw me. I think he was really proud of me and he couldn’t take his eyes off me! Okay i’m blushing now. So much for self praising! ☺

After he picked me up. My heart was rushing, i felt really nervous. I didn’t know why. I just felt like i had a tons of huge butterflies fluttering in my stomach. No matter what i do i couldn’t get it to stop.

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Until we get into our little wedding car, the butterflies still won’t leave!

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Imagine having a baby and tons of butterflies… i felt super uneasy, i almost felt like i couldn’t breathe. Despite all that, you must agree, i managed to hide those nerve wrecking face and kept my cool.. at least on my face. I could be an actress! Easily…. lol i joke.

We arrived at the cityhall where we signed on the dotted lines to be legally made husband and wife.

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And you can now kiss the bride…. wait but he already did! We cheat. 🙂

That single moment, the butterflies flew away. Like instantly.. I felt relieved and really happy. Maybe because i’m dying to be married to the love of my life! Finally he’s mine! *evil grin*

After the ceremony, we adjourned to the dinner venue. The last i saw the venue was still in its bare form. Just like the ones i’ve blogged about in my previous post. So i am in it for a good surprise. I wasn’t worried a single bit. I just knew that it will be beautiful. But i didnt expect it to be so extremely beautiful that i couldn’t take my eyes off every single detail of the decorations.

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All this cannot be made possible without Jos’ sister. She designed and decorated every bit of the venue. Including the garden which i don’t have a full picture of but the one below will show you roughly how it was revamped.

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Besides all the nice decorations, delicious food and great weather, the best thing about the wedding was having my family close with me on this special day, they filled the gap, they are all i ever wanted to make this day so perfect! I love you guys! Thank you for being there for me!

We then had our honey moon in switzerland. It was perfect. One short week but really nice. I hope it won’t be too long till i come back with pictures of our honeymoon…

Till next time! Have a great weekend ahead.

Our wedding Preparation

Besides going gaga about my pregnancy. We were also really overwhelmed by our up-coming wedding party! I was hoping to push the wedding party to a later date but I reckon it wouldn’t mean the same if we push it to a later date. The decision was either to have a wedding party or not to have a wedding party, no later.

At this point, we have already decide to have the wedding party! And at this same point, I’m stressing over the wedding dress that I’ve paid for since January! Which also means I have to work with the same dress despite how big I’m gonna get by June. Luckily, the designer of my dress thinks it could be easily fix and I would still look nice. Not sure if he is being honest or just being nice. I suppose he don’t really have a choice too.

Now, the main purpose of this post was the wedding venue we have decided upon. I’ve never imagine I would be wed in a venue like this one. In singapore, it’s common to have the wedding in a nice restaurant or a 4-5 star hotel. Well, the more glamour the better!

Although I’m not really into glamour, I’m also quite curious how our wedding would turn out! Since the place we have chosen is gonna be an old barn – refurbished! I can imagine it to be quite romantic but still, because it’s a city girl wedding party, it feels a little surreal.

Yesterday, we went to the wedding venue with Jos’ sister who has kindly offer to help with the wedding decorations. She has come up so many beautiful ideas that I’m quite sure I’m gonna love it. The end result shall be shared after the wedding but here are some pictures of the venue at its bare form.

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This is the garden right outside the barn. I love it that it’s facing a river.

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More pictures of the garden.

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The entrance to the barn. We don’t have a big party so the size is quite perfect!

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The last picture is the inside of the barn. What do you think? Now, let your imagination runs. I’m sure wedding in a barn is quite common in USA and Europe, it’s just not in Singapore. So this will be a different experience for my Singaporean guest. They might not get use to this like I was. But now, I’m totally game for this. I think it is gonna be so romantic and beautiful .

Watch this space for the final look of our wedding venue!

A post from the Heart. 💗

When you come to term with certain things in life; it is also the time when you can start talking and sharing about it. I’ve never had a post this private but I guess it’s about time I let it all out in one post.

Last year this time, I’ve subtly blogged about a special someone who came into my life very briefly, but before I could start appreciating it’s presence, it left. I was sad, very sad, for a very long time. I didn’t have the courage to speak to any one about it. Not my family nor my friends, not to say blog about it. The only person I could relate to was Jos, everyone that came to me or people I tried to turn to didn’t gives me the same comfort. For a long time, I felt strongly that these people (although really close friends) were mocking at me and that I am a complete failure. That lingers within me for a very long time.

The truth – I was really going through a miscarriage at that time.

The pregnancy then was a surprise. We were not trying for a baby, although we know we will be quite happy if we should have one. So when I missed my period then, I wasn’t even at the least suspicious that I might be pregnant. So by the time I found out I was pregnant, I thought I should have been about 6 weeks pregnant basing on my last menstrual period. We were as happy as can be.

During my first scan at my calculated 9 weeks, the sonographer measured the fetus to be 7.5 weeks with a heartbeat. The first thought was I’ve miscalculated my LMP, right? I mean what else can be wrong right?

So we moved on, i started feeling really bloated and awful there after. I complain to everyone I meet on how hard it was for me and how ugly I felt. I didn’t enjoy the pregnancy! Not one bit. I had to travel back to Singapore at that time, which was dreadful but I did anyway.

Two weeks later, while I was still in Singapore and was supposedly 9.5 weeks basing on the last scan, I started spotting blood. I rush myself to the gynecologist (a random one) and was told he could not find a heartbeat of my fetus!! He continue to say, “Oh, this is what we call Missed Miscarriage.” I was like what the f**k you talking about, you old fart. That was really what I said from the bottom of my heart. I didn’t trust him, because it was a holiday eve and I could not find a better clinic than his which happens to be  a very run down and old clinic, with old apparatus, old nurses and no patient waiting in line!! He proposed for me to perform a D&C after the holiday which is 3 days later.

When I came out of the clinic, the truth starting sinking in. He is old yes but he must be experienced enough to tell there is clearly no heartbeat. My tears uncontrollably rolled, and I couldn’t stop. It was hard to break the news to Jos who was 10,000 km away from me. feeling helpless.

The next person I told was one of my childhood friend-M, she think I should go for a second opinion and because it is a holiday eve, the only place available would be the A&E in the hospital. M was my only pillar of strength, she came right after work, drove from town to east (where I lives) to pick me up and drove back to town (where the hospital is). I am so grateful to have a friend like her, what she did mean so much to me.

After waited for a good hour, we were told the same. Fetus measures 7 weeks and there was no heartbeat. But this doctor tries to be optimistic, she said let’s wait a week, maybe still too small to find the heartbeat. But I know, the fetus isn’t suppose to be this small!! I went for a 3rd opinion with my friend M’s gynecologist the following Monday and nothing change, NO HEARTBEAT !! NO HEARTBEAT!! There the gynecologist suggest I do a D&C asap or I could have infection from the passing fetus.

I had the D&C the next day, and there my angel baby left.

I was devastated. I didn’t know how much I wanted the baby until I know I was going to lose it. I’ve never felt like this before. I regretted my actions of being indifferent, I felt like it was God’s punishment to me for being cocky and ungrateful. I hated myself. I feel that I’ve let Jos down. I’ve let his family down. I felt like a total failure but there was nothing I could do to change the outcome. Nothing at all! I can change, I promise! I will be grateful, I will not complain of the discomfort of being pregnant, I will appreciate being able to make babies. But no, it was too late, nothing I do was going to bring the baby back. And the truth is, although I’ve only carried the fetus for 12 weeks (basing on my LMP), the feeling I have for it is the same as what anyone would feel for their child (born or unborn). I’ve loss my baby, I’ve loss my baby. That’s about all I could think about for the next few months after.

To make myself feel better, I turn to forums and chat up with ladies who have went through the same thing as I have. I find comfort from there because it was them that makes me feel less awful of myself. It was them that would listen to me and give me an answer to just what I wanna hear. From there, I make some really nice friend too! 🙂

Because of the loss, I wanted to be pregnant again even more. I spoke to the Gynecologist; I told him I want to be pregnant again. He prescribe me with Clomid. According to him, that helps to regulate ovulation and increase chances of getting pregnant. I took Clomid for 4 months with Ovulation test kit, suffering all the mood swings and all this to a BIG FAT NEGATIVE. My period would came right after I pee on the stick to test for pregnancy. It was tiring and discouraging. I cried each time my period arrives.

Then I gave up hope. Perhaps it is God’s will. But I will never forget that little visitor for the rest of my life, I swear. And now I officially documented it.

The end. I thought.

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No, Not Yet.

On Feb 8 2014, the day I should have my period, I found out I was pregnant again. The exact same cycle as from last year. I am scared stiff. why has it got to be the same cycle? I don’t know what to expect but I can only try to expect the best out of it. Yes, we are over the moon!

I’ve safely passed my first trimester. I’m 14 weeks today. Every minute of every day is a blessing to us.

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Life is full of surprises. Sometimes good, other times bad, but I am pretty sure Whatever happens, happen for a reason.

Celebrating Chinese

Last year, I bought pussy willow to make the dutch home feel like Chinese New Year. Read > Here

This year, I did the same but more because I’m not gonna be in Singapore for Chinese New year which kinda sadden me, so, I’m gonna celebrate CNY the dutch way. 🙂

You know,  it’s time like this you want to be with your family. Sometimes I wish one can be at two place at the same time or distance be made less noticeable. Anyway, don’t wanna get all emotional here. So,  let me share with you the happy things. 🙂

There are a few things that are mandatory during Chinese New Year.A Sumptuous Reunion Dinner, Pussy Willows, Mandarin Oranges, Bak Kwa (Roasted Pork), Pineapple Tarts & Red Packet! Sadly, there are only a few I manage to achieve in order to make that dutch home looks almost Chinese New Year-Sy.

The easiest to achieve was Mandarin Oranges. The dutchies eats Mandarin as their daily fruit intake. So for that is it not new. The only thing is, the dutch mandarin are way smaller than those we have in Singapore which we import from China mainly. The size is at least double but not at all sweeter. So Dutch Mandarin 1 – 0 Chinese Mandarin.

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Surprisingly since last year, pussy willows are easily available in the Dutch land. And it seems like they sell them during this period of the year. So I went back to the same florist I did last year to buy those pussy willow. They are still pink and pretty like they were. The pussy willows that we have in Singapore which are also imported mainly from China aren’t pink. They have really long stalk, so you will need some muscles to carry them home and a huge vase to place them. So Dutch Willow 1 – 0 Chinese Willow.

What is different this year is, I am here to watch it blossom!

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Bar Kwa (Roasted Pork), Pineapple Tart & Red Packet are those that are not achievable. I realise I wasn’t allow to bring in any meat products while travelling back to Holland so i did not take the risk of smuggling some. I don’t know why I didn’t bring back any pineapple tarts, I’m just stupid. Now I am regretting it like a big time. And the dutchman won’t give me red Packet so I don’t have red packet as well 😦

Nevermind, I get over it. In order to make myself happy, I reckon I must at least have a reunion dinner kind of meal! So I send Jos a text while he is at work that we will have steamboat tonight. To my surprise, he didn’t ask what is that but readily said OK!

The typical kind of reunion dinner in Singapore are; go out to a fancy Chinese restaurant and be ready to spend a lot of money. Because these restaurant worked so that you can have your reunion dinner so naturally, their prices are way above the usual rates. Or, make your poor mother/father/grandparents whipped up a sumptuous feast of at least 6 dishes. These old people are usually really good with CNY food. I don’t know why. My mum is one very good cook but because she is now old, we usually eat out. I miss her cooking, she made delicious curry chicken, Soy Sauce Pork and many more. It’s time like this I miss her even more. Okay not because I’m hungry for food, more because it’s Chinese New Year and we should have reunion dinner together! So, anyway,  I called her just before the new year and we have made a deal that she have to pass down her culinary skills to me!

The other kind of reunion dinner for the not so good cook is to have STEAMBOAT. And that’s clearly why I decided I will make do with Steamboat as a reunion dinner with my white man. All you need is a good soup base and everything else is dependent on what is your favorite. I love prawns, the huge ass ones. On the contrary, Jos hates prawn. So good, I have them all to myself and I bought a lot of it. Some nice cut meat (Chicken, Pork, Beef), some Shitake Mushroom, Some Fishballs (typical steamboat ingredient), Tofu maybe and whole lot of vegetables; bak choy, broccoli if you like and any others. In another words, it’s a steam pot with whatever you want. It’s so easy and it’s really yum! So here are the pictures of the ingredients for our steam-pot.

Did you spot the chinese chop sticks and spoon? I bought them from the chinese supermarket especially for this. I reckon it is important to make it as authentic as possible. 🙂

So that’s how I spend my first Chinese New Year in Holland. Not quite the same but okay.

So Much in 13 Days!

Hello There… Happy New Year! I hope for everyone to have a better year ahead, with lots of love and funny things. Well, I am back on my little space again. I’d thought it is right about time to updates what 2014 has done to me or me to it .. so far.

To be honest, I’ve no idea where this post is going to bring me, I just miss writing. So here I am. Since I’ve no idea what I’m gonna write, I’m just gonna let it flow okay? So pardon me if this is going to be full of nonsensical crap, just bear with me with just this one post. Wait, or have you already been bearing with me all this while? 🙂

In a blink of an eye, we are done 13 days of 2014. And I’m quite proud to say, I’ve accomplished quite a few things!

One of the thing I did was I started running. Although this year I did not set any resolution for myself, I’ve randomly decided that I should start 2014 being healthy by running and I was aiming to run daily! So I started running daily, without fail until one day I fell on my left knee, right hand and right cheek, to be exact. I did not trip on anything, I fell because for some reason my legs went wobbly and next I was out of control and then I find myself on the rough ground. Now, start imagining that and laugh. It’s okay because I just did thinking about it. Now, I’m taking time to heal that ugly wound. 

P.S. In case you are wondering, I’m still running.

Besides being healthy, I’ve also decide that I should stop procrastinating and start doing something about our wedding. So shopping for my wedding dress while In SG was already in my agenda. I know I can always have my dress in the Netherlands but I do need a shopping partner. Since Jos is not allowed to see my wedding dress until the wedding day, I have no one that I felt close enough to comfortably shop with in NL. So doing this in SG with my BFF gives me a lot more confident. I know she will tell me nothing but the truth.

So, during the last 13 days, I’ve also said YES to the one Dress and am still loving it. I’m very eager to show off my dress but I can’t! I’m sorry. But maybe I can show you another one that I’ve tried and was also in love with.

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So what do you think of this one? I really like how the back flows, so elegant, so glamour. But Ive always dream of a simple dress for my wedding, so although this dress is beautiful but it’s just not me.

The next accomplishment was I’ve also purchase our wedding band! Shopping for wedding band without the Fiancé feels quite weird. I mean, not only do I have to choose my ring, I have to choose his. Jos has claim he is bad with rings, so he had tasked for me to choose the ring for him. in fact he added if he could do without a ring! What!?

Anyway, I’ve chosen a very simple ring for him, white gold Matt finish. I guess man really don’t need a good ring since they won’t appreciate it as much as we do. Surprisingly, the man ring on sales are quite fanciful. Some of them even had diamond on it. I mean seriously, why would I want my man wearing diamonds? Despite me saying I want it simple, the sales lady continues to present me with fanciful rings; diamonds, stripes across, criss cross etc.. So I had to make it obvious, I said, No design, White Gold & Matt finish. Yes, this is how man ring should be. No Bling.. I Forbid! 🙂 

Next big thing I did was legalizing some paperwork for our marriage. It was crazy but I’m glad it’s done. I arrived at MFA thinking all my documents was good, but was told I had to certify I’m single! So I had to shuttle between MFA, ROM and the Dutch embassy for the whole freaking day! And the wait in between almost kill me. In the end, I had to literally beg for the dutch lady at the embassy to have it done on the same day because she’d asked that i return the next day to collect the docs. I told her I will wait doesn’t matter how long it takes. So I sat at the reception and waited. The embassy closes at 5pm sharp. Dutch being Dutch, the documents was ready at 4.55pm! When she called out to me, I feel my face glow with so much happiness! I suspect she feels it too. Repeatedly I said to her, thank you so much! at least 4 times!

So yeah, my accomplishment in 13 days! How was your last 13 days? 🙂